you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
