i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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