There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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