how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
