he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
