he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
