i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
