He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
