And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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