just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
