Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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