I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
