so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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