Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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