I love black thongs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
