I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
