he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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