Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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