When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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