I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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