why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
