I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
