Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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