Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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