I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
