the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
