did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
