Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
