She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
