WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We don't watch enough power rangers
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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