I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
