i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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