I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
