Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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