I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
