Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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