Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
