I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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