I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
