You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
