i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
