You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize