I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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