would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize