new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
