I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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