Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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