Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
