i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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