In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
