Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
