I hate your face
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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