You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
