wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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