Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
