I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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