I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
