last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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