My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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