Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
