how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
