so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
