Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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