I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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