So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
