Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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