Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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