he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
