a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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