well I can't set my house on fire every night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
