ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
