So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
