I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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