After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
