I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
