You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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