If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
